Conflict Starts in the Heart
James 4:1-3 provides a key principle for understanding and resolving conflict. Whenever we have a serious dispute with others, we should look carefully at our own hearts to see whether we are being controlled by unmet desires that we have turned into idols. These desires often disguise themselves as things we need or deserve, or as things that would advance God’s kingdom. But no matter how good or legitimate a desire may look on the surface, if we have gotten to the point where we cannot be content, fulfilled, or secure unless we have it, that desire has evolved into an idol that diverts our love and trust from God. Fortunately, God delights in delivering us from our slavery to idols and enabling us to find true freedom, fulfillment, and security in his love and provision. And as we break free from the desires that have fueled our conflicts, we can resolve seemingly hopeless disputes and become more effective peacemakers.
Answer the following question with regard to this situation to identify desires that may have grown into controlling demands. (PM @ 102-106)
What am I preoccupied with?
How would I fill in this blank? “If only________, then I would be happy, fulfilled, and secure with regard to this situation.”
What do I want to preserve or avoid at any cost?
What do I fear may happen in this situation?
When a certain desire is not met, do I feel frustration, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger, or depression?
Is there something I desire so much that I am willing to disappoint or hurt others in order to have it?
How are your expectations of others magnifying your demands on them and your disappointment in their failure to meet your desires? (PM @ 107)
How are you judging those who do not meet your desires? Are you feeling indignation, condemnation, bitterness, resentment, or anger? (PM @ 106-108)
How are you judging those who do not meet your desires? Are you feeling indignation, condemnation, bitterness, resentment, or anger? (PM @ 106-108)
If you have identified any desires that have grown into idols in this situation, confess them to God and take hold of his wonderful love and promises as being far superior to anything this world can offer. (PM @ 109-114)
Digging Deeper >> See additional questions at the end of chapter 5 in The Peacemaker
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