Circular questions are relational in nature. They focus on interactional and behavioral patterns in the family and they are effective at identifying the interconnectedness of the members of a system. They are less about our assumptions and more about our client’s understanding of the patterns that connect them to persons, actions, perceptions, ideas, feelings, events, and beliefs.
Review the Circular Questions – Couple: John and Karen presentation. Then, write out a list of circular questionins
John:
I just don’t know what will be enough for you Karen, I really don’t.
Karen:
I don’t think I’m asking for a lot. Do you? I mean I don’t think there’s many women who ask for as little as I do, actually. I just want you to be around more and to, y’know, at least act like you care.
John:
What? So now I don’t care! I can’t believe you Karen. Honestly. (in a hurt tone) How can you say I don’t care? That really makes me feel crap y’know, really.
Karen:
Well do you care? No really John, do you? Because it doesn’t look like it to me. All it looks like to me is that you think so long as I’ve got everything that opens and shuts I’ll be fine and I can just shut up. (crying) Well I want to tell you it’s just not good enough for me. I want better than that.
John:
C’mon babe, c’mon, please man, you know I care
Karen:
(sniffles and cries audibly)
John:
I don’t know what to do. I just — I am just so tired.
Later in the same session
Karen:
It’s like the discussion about buying that damn vacation house. You just walked in and announced we’re going to do that and a big fanfare, like — whoop-dee-doo, suddenly superman is here putting us in debt to the eyeballs, no discussion, no ‘honey what do you think’ just wham and a major decision like that is taken without any regard for me.
John:
No way. That’s enough. That’s just enough! What bullshit! You were the one who said when we were there the last vacation, “Oh this is so nice” and “Wouldn’t it be lovely?” and all that shit. I was the one who said that we couldn’t really afford it. It’s too much this, honestly, you know you remember what you want and that’s all and I came to you and said I’ve found a way to do it and that’s also not OK because then I’m taking decisions without consulting you. Jesus I’ve had enough.
Karen:
Who’s got the convenient memory now? Do you not remember me saying to you that I thought it was a bad idea because it would tie us in to more debt?
John:
No matter what I do you are just never …
Karen:
(interrupting, speaking very forcefully) NO! Just answer the question. Do you or do you not remember me saying that it was a bad idea?
John:
(laughing incongruently, somewhat anxiously)
Karen:
(furious now, shouting) Do NOT laugh at me because you can’t man up and acknowledge that you did not consult me about buying that damned house.
John:
(shrugs, very quietly, resentfully) I did consult you.
Karen:
You are pathetic.
John:
(weakly) … damn!…
A long silence — about 30 seconds
Karen:
I’m sorry. I know this is awkward for a therapy session… I dunno … this is what we do. (sighs) I feel so crap, so crap … for hurting John, so crap that we’ve come to this, crap for myself because I can’t get him to hear me …
Last Completed Projects
| topic title | academic level | Writer | delivered |
|---|
