Examine how you and your partner deal with or have dealt with conflict/stress.

Assignment: Relational Communication

DETAILS

The paper should be typed (12 point font), double spaced, and no more than 8 pages if possible, but you will likely need at least 5 pages.

Choose to follow the directions

The difference is that in option #1 you are interviewing a married couple or very committed couple who is living together using the interview questions at the bottom of this assignment, and you will write about their relationship.

In option #2, you will write about a romantic relationship you are in or were in.

Communicate in writing with a commitment to clarity and conciseness. Take care to present proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation, as these issues will be considered in your grade. You will use material from lectures, the text, and personal examples. Be certain to cite sources according to APA form and include a reference page if needed.

However, given this is an application paper, you are not required to cite outside sources.

Topic and Procedure for Paper Option #1 (Analyzing a Couple You Interview)

This paper assignment asks you to analyze mate selection and communication by applying concepts we have covered in class to a real-life married couple or, if not legally married, a highly committed couple, excluding yourself and any partner you may have. Any couple type will work (i.e., it does not matter the sexual orientation of the couple).

You will conduct the Oral History Interview, which asks the couple a set of nine questions.

It is your responsibility to take notes during the interview, and some of you may even want to tape the interview for more thorough reference.

Choose a couple whom you can meet with in person sometime in the next two weeks. It does not matter to me the degree of previous history you have with this couple.

Make sure the couple fully consents to participating in this assignment. Arrange ahead a time to meet with the couple (the two partners together), and tell them to plan for a half hour to an hour.

Explain to them that you are writing a paper that requires you to conduct an interview of a couple.

Some couples may be hesitant at the prospect of being “studied.” Take care in explaining that the interview questions are fairly simple, asking them about how they met and got together, pivotal points in their relationship, as well as their philosophy of marriage/relationships.

Remind them that if at any point they feel they don’t want to answer a question, they are free to decline. There are no right or wrong answers.

Remind them that their answers will only be used for this paper assignment. They are not a part of a larger study. If the couple is curious about what you are looking for in the interview, tell them you will be happy to show them your paper assignment. Remember that this paper assignment does not put you in a position to “counsel” a couple. You simply want to hear the couple tell their story.

The central goal of this paper is to examine the validity of the theories/concepts regarding intimate relationships presented in your text and in class. You will determine how adequate these theories are for explaining what happens in relationships by attempting to apply the theories to a real-life intimate relationship.

Specifically, this paper will describe the couple’s courtship and mate selection, examine how the couple has approached change or stress in their relationship, and explore the couple’s philosophy of marriage/relationships and the principles they use (or don’t use) to make their marriage work (or not work).

Introduction (Keep this to 1 paragraph)

• Explain the purpose of the paper and direction you plan to take.

• Introduce the couple (please protect their real names).

• Tell how long the couple has been together.

• Describe the nature of your relationship with the couple and how and where you arranged to meet them.

Body (There are three parts to the body of the paper)

• Part I (Interview questions 1 – 4 will probably be most informative in helping you address the issues in part I)

o From your perspective, describe the couple’s courtship and mate selection by describing each of the four cues in Duck’s Filtering Theory of Attraction.

o Second, discuss the role at least two other “interpersonal magnets” (e.g., physical beauty, similarity, reciprocal liking, etc.) played in the couple’s attraction.

o Finally, use the stages of development in romantic coupling discussed in the book to describe their relationship (pick just two stages that are interesting to you). Discuss each concept or theory in detail, and then apply the concept to the couple’s relationship.

You may comment on how well the theory/concept does or doesn’t apply to the couple. Provide specific examples from the interview (e.g., specific comments made by the couple, your own specific observations) to illustrate your points.

• Part II

All couples encounter some stress or change in their relationship. Using primarily the answers from interview questions 5 – 10 choose one specific instance of change or stress to analyze.

At the very least, all couples in this study have experienced the change from being a dating couple to a married couple or moving in together.

Couples may also provide additional examples of stressors or changes they have encountered that are unique to them as a couple. Remember these instances of change or stressors could be negative or positive.

o Describe the instances of change or stress you will analyze and then apply at least two terms/concepts from the end of Chapter 11 where the authors discuss how to manage interpersonal conflict and stress and Gottman’s warning signs.

• Part Ill

o From the audio lecture on Chapter 11, pick two of the following 7 principles Gottman suggests for making marriage work: enhance your love maps, nurture fondness and admiration, turn toward each other instead of away, let your partner influence you, or create shared meaning.

Of the two you picked, explain how the couple uses this principle as a way of making marriage work, or how the couple seems to be lacking this principle.

Again, describe what the principle refers to and provide a specific example from the couple.

Conclusion Provide a brief summary concerning

• the usefulness of the concepts that characterize this couple, and

• what you have learned about their communication by applying the concepts/terms/theories.

Topic and Procedure for Paper Option #2 (Analyzing One of Your Own Relationships)

The central goal of this paper is to examine the validity of the theories/concepts regarding intimate relationships presented in your text and in class. You will determine how adequate these theories are for explaining what happens in relationships by attempting to apply the theories to your own relationship.

Specifically, this paper will describe one of your intimate relationships, examine the way your relationship has approached conflict or stress, and explore the effect your relationship has had on your communication behaviors with others outside the relationship.

Introduction (You can keep this to 1 paragraph)

• Explain the purpose of your paper and direction you plan to take.

• Identify your romantic partner and describe the nature of your relationship (how serious, how long you have known each other, where you met, etc.).

Body. (There are three parts to the body of the paper.)
• Part I:

o Describe your intimate relationship according to the four cues of Duck’s Filtering Theory of Attraction.

o Second, pick two other “magnets” (e.g. physical beauty, similarity, reciprocal liking, etc.) discussed in the book and describe the role they played in your attraction.

o Finally, use the stages of development in romantic coupling discussed in the book to describe your relationship. Discuss each concept in detail, and then apply the concept to your own relationship. Provide specific examples of specific interactions in your relationship to illustrate your points.

• Part II: Examine how you and your partner deal with or have dealt with conflict/stress.

You may focus on any conflict or stressful situation you like (e.g., disagreements, decisions, natural life changes, outside influences, divorce/separation, etc.). It will be best for this paper if you focus on a specific, important conflict or stressful situation.

Fully explain the circumstance surrounding the event and analyze how you and your partner/friend dealt with the conflict/stress. It doesn’t matter whether you feel you dealt with the conflict/stress well or poorly.

The key is to examine exactly what you and your partner did or did not do regarding the conflict/stress.

o Choose and apply at least two communication concepts from the end of Chapter 11 where the authors discuss how to manage conflict and stress and Gottman’s warning signs. Again, use specific examples of specific interactions to support your points. •

Part III:

o First, examine the effect your relationship has had on your communication behaviors with others by focusing on at least one communication concept from any point in the course.

Examples of communication concepts you may want to focus on are: communicator styles, communication competence, relational themes, bases of power, conflict strategies. It may be that you use the same communication behaviors (effective or ineffective) with others as you do in your intimate relationship.

Possibly you have learned what not to do when communicating with others based on the ineffective behaviors used in your relationship.

The goal is to explain and provide examples of communication behaviors as they occurred in your relationship and compare/contrast those with how you communicate in other relationships. Use specific examples of specific interactions.

o Second, discuss whether your relationship receives support or interference from your social network that is the friends and family around you. Explain your answer and the effect you think this has on your relationship.

Conclusion

• Provide a brief summary concerning the usefulness of the concepts that characterize your relationship (stages of attraction, magnets), the way you and your partner cope with conflict/stress, and the effect your relationship has had on your communication behaviors with others.

• Last, provide a discussion of what you have learned (more generally) about relational communication by analyzing and applying the concepts/theories to your own relationship.

Interview Questions for Paper Option #1

1. Discuss how the two of you met and got together. Was there anything about your spouse/partner that made him or her stand out? What were your first impressions of each other? What attracted you to each other?

2. What do you remember about the time you were first dating? What were some of the highlights? What were some of the tensions? What types of things did you do together?

3. Talk about how you decided to get married (or live together, if not married)? Of all the people in the world, what led you to decide that this was the person for you? Was it an easy decision? Was it a difficult decision? Were you in love? Talk about this time.

4. What do you remember about your wedding, if you had one? Talk about your memories? Did you have a honeymoon? What do you remember about it?

5. What do you remember about the first year you were married or living together? Were there any adjustments you needed to make?

6. If you have become parents, talk about this transition? What was it like for you? Talk about this period of your relationship.

7. Looking back over the years, what moments stand out as the really happy times in your relationship? What is a good time for you as a couple? Has this changed over time?

8. Some relationships go through periods of ups and downs, good times or hard times. Would you say that this is true of your relationship? Can you describe some of these periods?

9. Looking back over the years, how did you get through any hard times? Why do you think you stayed together?

Last Completed Projects