The question says (this is a condensed version only):
Have Harry & Meghan carried out their break away from the Royal family as well as they could,
or have they not been attentive enough to other factors, such as the particular Royal family needs?
You job is to take one side or the other. What has happened instead is that some students are writing something more like
‘why Harry and Meghan were right to leave’. Maybe they were, but that is not the essay question.
Or people wrote
‘why the Royal family needed to be left’ — which also might be true, but was not the question.
About your draft —
Write an ARGUMENT PARAGRAPH, started with what looks to me like an introduction.
